Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Friday, 8 June 2018

Texas Banker/Oklahoma Hunter: A #Narrative #Nonfiction Book by Ken Mixon

Ken Mixon was raised in Atoka, Oklahoma and graduated from Atoka High School in 1974. He attended Oklahoma Baptist University and graduated in 1977 with a degree in business administration. He has an extensive career in banking that began in 1977 as an auditor with First National Bank in Oklahoma City. From there he worked at a variety of different banks and concluded when he became President and CEO of City National Bank in Corsicana Texas, where he remains today.

Ken is a member of First Baptist Church in Richardson and is very proud to be a Rotary member in Corsicana. One of his biggest passions is being involved in selecting the high school senior to receive the Corsicana Rotary Scholarship each year. Ken is a big fan of the Dallas Mavericks, Dallas Cowboys, and Oklahoma Sooners. He enjoys hunting and fishing and being with family and friends.

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About the Book


Who do you think of when you think of a banker? Perhaps you think of the bankers trying to foreclose on Kevin Costner's farm in Field of Dreams? Bankers are usually portrayed as jerks who are trying to foreclose on widows and orphans. I have been a banker for nearly forty years and I want to show you some different sides to one banker - me.

I come from a family of storytellers, from my father's mother's family, the Gillhams. When a Gillham told a story at the campfire, you could feel the heat of the sun beating down and hear the calling of an owl just as if you were there.

The stories in this book are half from banking and half from my hunting, my dogs, and my childhood. Some of the stories are humorous, some are serious, and some are a little of both. As you read, you will hopefully share my puzzlement as I listen to a loan request, feel the pounding of a buck's hooves on the dirt as it gallops toward me, and hear my father's whistle. If you do, I have accomplished my goal in writing this book.

Get it Today!


Amazon | Barnes & Noble



Keep reading for an excerpt:


I discovered Roy’s con game when I reviewed a loan that the Garland bank had made three years earlier. The customer, Bill, had retired from a major corporation after working there for forty-five years. Bill had a nice retirement plan and he had managed to save quite a bit of cash over his lifetime. Bill had always wanted to own his own business and that is how he met Roy in 1985.

Roy had purchased a closed car wash a year earlier. He had replaced the equipment and put the eight bay, self-service, car wash for sale for $500,000.

Roy met with Bill and Bill agreed to purchase the car wash for $475,000. Bill came to the Garland bank and agreed to put 20% down ($95,000) so he could get the loan. He had a great credit score of 800 and a significant personal financial statement so he got the loan.

I got involved with Bill and this loan three years later. Bill came into the bank a few months after I became president of the bank. Bill sat down with me and explained that the car wash was not bringing in enough money to pay half of the payment on what was now a $345,000 loan. He had been withdrawing cash from his savings for three years in order to pay the bank. He said he did not want to default on the loan, but that he had exhausted his savings and that he did not see any other alternative. He was a good man and he was ashamed to be in the situation he was in.

We foreclosed on the car wash. It took me some time to piece together what had happened, but I did figure it out eventually.

Roy’s staff greatly inflated the income that the car wash would produce. Neither Bill nor the bank nor the appraiser had any expertise in car washes so no one questioned the income information. Later, I figured out that Roy had under $200,000 invested in the car wash when he sold it so he made a profit of $275,000 on the sale.

In Bill’s case, he purchased a car wash for $475,000 that should have sold for a price closer to $225,000 (based on the actual income figures we had after he owned it three years). Bill was a good man who was fleeced by an excellent con man.

If the cash flow projections had been based on real numbers, it would have been clear that the car wash could not provide the income to pay a loan of $380,000. The appraisal, based on real numbers, would have been closer to $225,000 rather than $475,000. Roy had figured out how to “game” the banking system.

Roy discovered that he could con the buyer and the bank if there were five key things in place when a buyer was purchasing a business from him. The keys were that (1) the purchaser had to have good credit, (2) the buyer had to have at least 20% cash to put down on the purchase, (3) the business had to have no current verifiable income figures, (4) the purchaser must have no experience in the particular business he is purchasing and most importantly, (5) Roy’s staff had to inflate the projected income to a number that would cover the payment at least 1.25 times.

The most amazing thing about this story is that Roy continued to con people in this manner for the next thirty years. In each case, it appears his company would use the same inflated projected income approach as well as the other keys mentioned above. He and his company would get sued on occasion when the businesses failed, but he continued to play his con game. You may wonder what finally stopped him after all those years? He died.

I would not wish death on anyone. Roy took people’s dreams of owning their own business and turned it into nightmares. He cheated many fine people and cost banks in North Texas millions of dollars in losses. He will not be missed by me.

Friday, 23 February 2018

Zombie Turkeys: A #Fantasy by Andy Zach

With his first book, "Zombie Turkeys" Andy blazed new ground in paranormal humor. The second book in his Life After Life Chronicles, "My Undead Mother-in-law" is now on sale for Amazon Kindle and Createspace print edition.

Andy Zach was born Anastasius Zacharias, in Greece. His parents were both zombies. Growing up, he loved animals of all kinds. After moving to the United States as a child, in high school, he won a science fair by bringing toads back from suspended animation. Before turning to fiction, Andy published his Ph.D. thesis "Methods of Revivification for Various Species of the Kingdom Animalia" in the prestigious JAPM, Journal of Paranormal Medicine. Andy, in addition to being the foremost expert on paranormal animals, enjoys breeding phoenixes. He lives in Illinois with his five phoenixes.


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About the Book


Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won't stay dead. You can shoot 'em, chop 'em, burn 'em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country. As Sam tracks down the zombie turkeys and how to eradicate them, his editor, Lisa Kambacher, nags him to turn his stories and expenses in on time. During their years of working together, Lisa has mellowed into an irascible pinchpenny.

Lisa snipes at Sam for plebeian writing but uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story. Sam and Lisa ricochet across the landscape, tracking turkeys and fleeing the bloodthirsty hordes. Careening from shell-shocked grocery store owners fighting turkeys crawling out of refrigerators, to machine-gunning turkey farmers, to secret militia, Sam and Lisa doggedly report. Throughout the turkey apocalypse, they dare ravaged cities, plow knee deep in gore and corpses, and upload streams of zombie turkey video news to the world.

With paranoid militias clashing with the federal government and unkillable turkeys, Sam and Lisa doubt their ability to survive. Sam and Lisa have no superpowers. If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not read Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.

Get it today on Amazon!





Keep reading for an excerpt:


Bill Westcot, the coroner of Midley, Illinois (population 512), had seen his share of grisly deaths, but this one took the cake. Two hunters apparently pecked to death by turkeys. How could this be? Wild turkeys were normally shy and secretive, not even as aggressive as geese. Bill looked up as a man came in—average height, maybe five nine, medium build, not fat, not skinny, roundish face, hazel eyes, and brown hair. He would be hard to remember. But Bill had known him all his life.

Sam Melvin, the reporter for Midley Beacon, dropped in for his daily chat. Sam and Bill had been friends since elementary school, and they had both stayed around Midley all their lives. Bill, a short, stocky guy with blondish hair, had gone off to school and become a coroner.

Sam had stayed in Midley after high school, doing odd jobs, until he got on with the Midley Beacon. As a reporter and blogger for a small-town weekly paper, Sam wasn't especially busy, and he liked to socialize.

When he saw what remained of the corpses on the mortuary slabs, Sam exclaimed, "Gowlurp! Gaawka-urop!" He ran to the bathroom and puked. After washing out his mouth, he returned, eyes averted.

"Who in the hell were those poor bastards?"

"Peter James and Robert Smithville, according to their drivers' licenses and their shooting permits."

"They look like someone went at them with a thousand pickaxes."

"Yup. Pretty gruesome, even for me."

"What in the world happened?"

"As far as I can tell, they were pecked to death by a flock of wild turkeys."

"I've never heard of anything like that!"

"Yeah, that's not really normal turkey behavior."

"Could they be rabid?"

"Turkeys don't get rabid, Sam."

"They don't attack hunters either. Is 'death by wild turkey' what you'll put on their death certificates?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Well, that's what I'll put as my story headline then. It'll be in tomorrow's paper."

"Make sure when you write it up, people know that 'wild turkey' is a bird and not liquor."

"How can you joke when you have these poor fellows on the slab over there?"

"It's a job. You get used to it."

Monday, 5 February 2018

The Rose Thief: A #Fantasy Novel by Claire Buss

Claire Buss is a science fiction, fantasy & contemporary writer based in the UK. She wanted to be Lois Lane when she grew up but work experience at her local paper was eye-opening. Instead, Claire went on to work in a variety of admin roles for over a decade but never felt quite at home. An avid reader, baker and Pinterest addict Claire won second place in the Barking and Dagenham Pen to Print writing competition in 2015 setting her writing career in motion.

The Gaia Effect, a hopeful dystopian novel and winner of the 2017 Raven Award for favourite Scifi/Fantasy novel, was published in 2016.

Tales from Suburbia, a collection of humorous plays, blogs and short stories was published in July 2017.

The Rose Thief, a humorous fantasy inspired by Claire's love of Pratchett was published in November 2017.

Claire has had two short stories published in 2017. 'Underground Scratchings' can be found in the sci-fi and fantasy anthology Tales from the Underground, published by Inklings Press. 'Patient Data' can be found in the sci-fi anthology The Quantum Soul, published by SciFi Roundtable.

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About the Book


Ned Spinks, Chief Thief-Catcher has a problem. Someone is stealing the Emperor's roses. But that's not the worst of it. In his infinite wisdom and grace, the Emperor magically imbued his red rose with love so if it was ever removed from the Imperial Rose Gardens then love will be lost, to everyone, forever. It's up to Ned and his band of motley catchers to apprehend the thief and save the day. But the thief isn't exactly who they seem to be, neither is the Emperor. Ned and his team will have to go on a quest defeating vampire mermaids, illusionists, estranged family members and an evil sorcerer in order to win the day. What could possibly go wrong?

Get it today on Amazon!






Keep reading for an interview with the author:


Why did you decide to be a writer?


I've always wanted to be a writer but never had the confidence to actually commit to writing a book. Then I saw a local writing competition and for some reason I thought, let's have a go at that and submitted an opening chapter without realising that those shortlisted would have to submit the rest of the novel. After getting shortlisted I had three months to write the rest of the book - definitely a baptism of fire! The book, The Gaia Effect, went on to place second in the competition and was published in December 2016. That gave me the confidence to keep writing and I went on to self-publish two additional books in 2017 - Tales from Suburbia and The Rose Thief - as well as two short stories in sci-fi & fantasy anthologies Tales from the Underground and The Quantum Soul.

Do you have a "day job"?


My 'day job' is a stay at home mum to my little boy, four and a half, and my brand new daughter. At the moment finding the time to write is proving to be somewhat of a challenge but I hope to find some kind of work balance soon.


What genres do you write?


I write fantasy, sci-fi and humour. I expect I may well try some other genres in the future as well.

What is the oddest thing you've ever researched for one of your books?


I had to research how to blow a building up using remotely triggered C4 and then what the building looked like as it collapsed. I was so nervous doing the internet searches but it was worth it because I think that scene in The Gaia Effect is really strong.


What book or series do you enjoy reading over and over again?


I continually re-read the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan and the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. I have now added to my re-readable bookshelf the Peter Grant novels by Ben Aaronovitch. I do enjoy re-reading books. I have also re-read the Eragon & Harry Potter books.


How many books do you have on your "to read" list?


My Goodreads TBR list is over 4000 strong. It's not my fault. There are too many exciting looking books out there! The last ten books I added were:

  • The Waking Land by Callie Bates
  • If I Wake by Nikki Moyes
  • The Dark Days Club by Alison Goodman
  • At The Table of Wolves by Kay Kenyon
  • Winter Tide by Ruthanna Emrys
  • Twelve Days by Steven Barnes
  • The Moon and The Other by John Kessel
  • Doctor Faustus by Thomas Mann
  • Into The Fire by Kim Vandel
  • Book Launch Blueprint by Tim Grahl


About how many books do you read in a year?


Last year I read 100 and I was pretty chuffed with that. This year I have set my target at 52 because of the new human.

Do you prefer ebooks, print or both?


I prefer print books although ebooks take up less space and are excellent for when you're travelling. I sometimes find it trickier to get into an ebook because I can't easily see how long the chapters are etc but there is something very satisfying about pressing the next page button.

Are you a pantser or outliner?


I am a complete pantser. Outlining or planning, to me, would be the ultimate procrastination exercise. I am much better off just diving straight into the writing process. I usually aim for 1000 words at one sitting and I never read back what I wrote the day before, I just carry on and deal with all the plot holes after the first draft has been completed.

What are you working on now?


I am currently working on the sequel to my debut novel The Gaia Effect. I managed to knock out 50k words during NaNoWriMo but now I am itching to get back to it and continue working on the story. It is a very, very rough draft and I will need to go back and re-read The Gaia Effect to ensure I have remembered my characters personality and quirks. It's quite scary writing a sequel because you want to be able to do the first book justice and make the sequel just as exciting. There have been lots of questions from readers as well so it would be great to be able to answer some of those. It may develop into a trilogy, I just don't know yet because I haven't finished the current storyline.

Do you have anything specific you'd like to say to your readers?


I'd like to say thank you so much for taking a chance on my books. It's amazing that people I don't know have been drawn to read my novels and when someone leaves a review I am always so excited to see what they thought and what they took away from the book. I love that different people get different things out of the same story. I'd also like to say - keep leaving reviews! It really is the best thing you can do for any author.

Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Everything is Better with a Cape by C H Clepitt



C H Clepitt has a Master’s Degree in English Literature from the University of the West of England. As her Bachelor’s Degree was in Drama, and her Master’s Dissertation focused on little known 18th Century playwright Susannah Centlivre, Clepitt’s novels are extremely dialogue driven, and it has often been observed that they would translate well to the screen.

Since graduating in 2007, she gained experience in community and music journalism, before establishing satirical news website, Newsnibbles in 2010. In 2011 she published her book, A Reason to Stay, which follows the adventures of disillusioned retail manager, Stephen, as he is thrust into village life and the world of AmDram. Clepitt’s feminist fantasy, The Book of Abisan not only crosses worlds, but confuses genres, and has been described as a crime drama with magic. She has often said that she doesn’t like the way that choosing a genre forces you to put your book into a specific little box, and instead she prefers to distort the readers’ expectations and keep them guessing. Her 2016 work, I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse does just that, as just like the characters, the readers won’t know what’s going on in this laugh out loud satirical scifi.

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About the Book


What is better than a sarcastic talking badger? A sarcastic talking badger with superpowers, of course!

Having survived the apocalypse, Kerry is back to being a socially awkward web developer, but when apocalypse survivors start ending up dead, with her next on the list, events start to spiral out of control. Follow Kerry as she deals with life and fashion challenges, whilst trying to save the world in this hilarious sequel to I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse.

Be a hero, #WearTheCape


Get it Today!


Amazon | Lulu


Keep reading for an interview with the author:


Why did you decide to be a writer?


I don't think I ever made the conscious decision. I have always had a very active imagination, and imagined stories in my head. The first time I wrote an entire book (as an adult) I actually dreamed it first! (I know, cliche, right?). I woke up on my day off with the entire first half of a book buzzing around in my head, so I grabbed a notebook and pen and started writing! That was it for me.


Did you have a hard time sharing your work with the public?


Back in the day (yes, I am indeed very old), there was a website called Authonomy, which was run by Harper Collins. It was basically a forum for authors to share their work, offer feedback to each other and improve. There was also a competition to get to the top of the pile, but I was never very good at badgering people to vote for me. What it did do was give me some great constructive feedback, and the confidence to know that my writing was good, and it wasn't just me who thought so, so I went ahead and published it.


Where are you from? Does your area have a good writing community?


I am from Bristol in the UK, which I'm sure probably does have a good writing community. I very rarely leave my cave though. My writing community is online, and I have made some amazing friends through writers groups and we all support each other with launches and feedback. I've even been known to leave the cave to meet some of them...

Do you have a "day job"?


Yes. I work for a small local charity supporting people with all different disabilities gain access to the therapeutic benefits of horse riding. It is really rewarding and I wouldn't want to do anything else. I love going into work everyday, the team is like a big family, and the clients love coming in to see us. It's a really nice feeling when people are genuinely pleased to see you every day.

What genres do you write?


Lots! I don't like labels, but I appreciate people need them, so, here goes... fantasy, comedy, satire, sci fi... I also try to write diverse characters including LGBTQ, but that is NOT a genre.


Is there a genre that you've been wanting to experiment with?


I have been wanting to try a more classical style. My work is very dialogue driven and fast paced, and a part of me wants to prove I can do something different. I am trying it with my latest work in progress, so we'll see if the characters go for it.


What inspires you to write?


Everything. I am very political minded, and when I see social and political wrongs it makes me want to write, to show people creatively how I feel. Once a character is born in my head I have to finish their story, or they just sit in there shouting at me, which is noisy.

How often do you write?


At the moment I am writing daily. I am creating a fantasy serial with fellow author Samuel Z Jones, and in the evenings we manage at least 10k between us. We are releasing it as a magazine called Mantichore Magazine. You can find it on Facebook /mantichoremag. When we aren't working on that I find the time to work on my own projects too. I wouldn't want to be bored!


Do you have a daily word or page count goal?


No, I can't be that structured. The second I set myself a goal my creativity is stifled. I just write until I stop.

How long does it take you to write a novel?


It's not the writing that takes the time, it's the editing and revisions! I try to aim for one release a year, but it's tough, it needs to be right before you can let it fly free!

What is the quirkiest thing you've ever done while writing?


Inserted a talking badger as a spirit guide for one of my characters! I have no idea where it came from, but it is most people's favourite character, and the main reason that I wrote the sequel!

If you could be one of your characters for a day, who would it be and why?


Not sure I'd want to be any of my characters, they don't have a very happy time of it! Maybe Crew from the Crew Chronicles, on a day where he didn't have to fight anyone, or liberate slaves or anything!


Wednesday, 18 October 2017

The Day My Fart Followed Me To The Dentist by Ben Jackson

Ben lives in Tasmania, Australia. While working during the week as a Boiler Maker/Welder, specializing in Aluminium Welding, he also writes of a night as a Freelance Writer and Author.

Ben is in a Long Distance Relationship with his wife Sam, who lives in Canada, she works as a full-time formatting professional, publisher, and author.

Be sure to check out all of his books, there is definitely something there for everyone!

As Indie Authors, we rely on our valuable customers to write a review, if you could spare a minute to leave a review of one of our books, we would greatly appreciate it.

He has numerous books in progress so stay tuned for information on those by following this page, connecting with him on Facebook or Goodreads.

Remember, if you enjoyed one of his books, leave a review! Please feel free to check out our children's book website at or Facebook.

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About the Book


Timmy and his best friend the Little Fart are back again in The Day My Fart Followed Me To The Dentist! In this beautifully illustrated children’s book you’ll experience Timmy’s first visit to the dentist, losing a tooth, and a visit from the Tooth Fairy.

No child loves the thought of a visit to the dentist. In The Day My Fart Followed Me To The Dentist, Timmy takes a trip to the dentist with his best, and imaginary, friend the Little Fart. Timmy needs to have a tooth removed and then needs to help to try and explain the Tooth Fairy to the Little Fart.

Whenever the Little Fart is involved, hilarity and mischievousness are sure to follow! The authors decided to publish this book to try and help parents and dentists show that the dentist doesn’t have to be a bad experience. In the end, there is always the reward of receiving a visit by the magical and beautiful Tooth Fairy.

If you enjoy reading funny books with beautiful illustrations and love having your child read along with you, then make sure you grab The Day My Fart Followed Me To The Dentist! Discover and giggle along with Timmy, and the Little Fart on their exciting day at the dentist.

Get it Today!


Amazon | Smashwords | Barnes & Noble


Keep reading for an interview with the author:


Why did you decide to be a writer?


I enjoy reading and love writing. I'm having a lot of fun writing children's books.


Did you have a hard time sharing your work with the public?


No. Just write it and then get it out there!

Where are you from?


I'm from Australia. I travel between Canada and Australia a lot but haven't had a lot to do with other authors.

What genres do you write?


Mostly children's books now. Some non-fiction, and one fiction book.

What inspires you to write?


I just get an idea and then try to write it out. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and I put it aside.


How often do you write?


I'm a freelance writer, so a lot. Not as much for myself as I would like to.

If you could choose an author to be your mentor, who would it be?


I love authors like Wilbur Smith, James A Michener, Bernard Cornwall.


When did you first consider yourself an author?


When I sold my first book!


What are your goals as an author?


I wish I could quit my day job and just focus on writing books.

What is the biggest obstacle you face as an author and what do you do to overcome it?


Indie authors have to overcome the massive budgets that publishing houses have.

Does your family support you in your writing, or are you on your own?


My wife helps me write and publish books and is also my co-author.

What are you working on now?


A story about a little ghost that wants to play hockey.


What inspired your current work?


It's almost Halloween!


What was the hardest part about writing your latest book?


Balancing the word count with the illustrations. Trying to tell a story without writing a novel.


How do you market/promote your work?


I just visit lots of Indie authors and work on blogs etc.

Tuesday, 27 June 2017

PRINCIPAL KIDD: School Rules book #1 by Connie T. Colon

A graduate of Syracuse University and former advertising executive, Connie has a degree in art but now also paints with her words.

She had the unique opportunity to work one-on-one with award winning author, Jerry Spinelli at the Highlights Workshop in Chautauqua.

An active member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, Connie had served as a Committee Member for the NJ Chapter.

She has sold over 60 articles and over 100 photos to publications including Highlights, Fun For Kidz, AppleSeeds, and Faces.

Her ongoing feature “Dear Tommy” had run in Faces magazine for over seven years. Connie occasionally teaches magazine writing workshops at SCBWI events and loves to visit schools.

She recently released PRINCIPAL KIDD: School Rules Book #1 which is a humorous chapter book series based on one of her animation concepts.


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About the Book


The series is about the zany predicaments 11-year-old whiz kid Oliver Kidd faces as principal of Eggshell Elementary school. In book 1, SCHOOL RULES!, Principal Kidd risks losing his new job and having the school shut done unless he can undo damage from the new kid-friendly rules he put into place.

Get it today on Amazon!




Keep reading for an excerpt:


Chapter 7


Oliver entered the office of hard-of-hearing guidance counselor, Mrs. Winnie Huggswell. She was the school’s oldest employee who was somewhere between 65 and 99 years old, no one knew for sure. She was round with spare chins, and eyes that twinkled and crinkled when she smiled. She passed Oliver a plate of the best smelling homemade cookies.

Mrs. Huggswell looked into Oliver’s eyes with concern. “What’s troubling you, dear?”

“I was uninvited to Tucker’s party,” he said. “Even Chelsea’s going!”

Confused, Mrs. Huggswell looked out the window. “What? It’s snowing?”

“No, wish I was going to the party,” said Oliver, speaking a bit louder now. He slouched in his chair and pouted. “Sometimes I just want to be one of the guys.”

“Oh, a disguise.”

Mrs. Huggswell rummaged through a bin of dress-up clothes and accessories and handed Oliver a fake mustache and a hat. “Here, try this on.”

Oliver put on the shiny gold hat. He looked at himself from several angles in the mirror on the wall.

“Not too sure about this gold hat.”

“Don’t call me an old bat!”

“No,” he said. “You’ve confused my words!”

“What? My cookies taste like turds?”

Oliver shoved several cookies in his mouth at once. He spewed out crumbs while talking with his mouth full. “No, see? I love your cookies.”

Mrs. Huggswell smiled. She put the cookies in a bag and handed them to Oliver.

“Good. I’m glad,” she said. “Take the rest. They’ll help you make new friends.”

Oliver sighed and then screamed out, “Great idea. Thanks!”

Mrs. Huggswell pressed her palms against her ears and scrunched up her face.

“No need to shout at me, dear.”

Oliver gathered the disguises and cookies before waving goodbye. On his way back to his office, he felt confident he could handle anything.

That confidence washed away when he saw who was waiting for him in his office.

Friday, 12 May 2017

Black Lines - Dodgy Pills by Olly Cunningham

Olly Cunningham was born in Dublin, Ireland. He is the writer and illustrator of Black Lines, an adult comic book series. All the images are drawn with pen and ink, the art is dark and grungy, and the writing style is twisted and humorous, suited to its noir genre.

He currently lives in the country with his wife, three kids, two tortoises, cat and dog.

Connect with the Author on the Black Lines Website!


About the Book


A story of sex drugs and social deprivation, based in Dublin, Ireland. Drug dealers Tommo and his father-in-law Jimmy have received a new batch of pills from a very different source to their usual guy, they go about testing them out and get literally blown away. Things don’t go too well and get very strange indeed.

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Sunday, 2 April 2017

11,984 by Scott T Evans

Author of Foxavier & Plinka


You can connect with the author on Facebook!


About the Book


Can a family of scientists from a totally peaceful society build a spaceship without killing each other?


Not Yet Released - Coming Later in 2017


Keep reading for an excerpt:


Warning: This material contains punctuation from the future.


It starts with an explosion so big, our puny minds cannot comprehend its size--millions of times larger than our entire planet It keeps erupting for billions of kilodays, over and over . . . blazing . . . flaring . . . giving all Burning so hot, matter disintegrates to the 14th subatomic level Do you have any freaking idea how hot that is?

It generates multitudes of electro-gravito-psychic particles and waves(such as alpha, gamma, photonic, subphotonic, limbaugh holes, and malala fields) which radiate out to the cosmos

And travel 95 million kiloflivvers, and cool 2 million degrees rambo, before reaching us

The earth rolls out of bed each morning, and showers in this cosmic bouillabaisse we call "day"

The sun rises today, as usual, but on this 93rd day of eightuary, in the kiloday 4377[year 11,984 in our system] it's red

As if it were pissed off about something

It lets loose like a dropped sack of flour and all is rosy Copper light spreads along the coast, that stretches like it has all the time in the world An army of rouge photons barrages the rolling hills, lush with trees, studded with emerald crystal boulders, beside the roaring waves, crashing an ecstatic symphony of white noise Seagulls provide entertainment, dive bombing fish, and squawking over scraps All of it, as if the paint from an amateur watercolor landscape bled

A dome sits on top of one nicely proportioned hill, breaking the natural asymmetry, as unnecessary as a pearl on a neck, peeking through the foliage, glassy as an eye, with a perfect view

This hemisphere, shiny and transparent as a soap bubble, can hold 500 comfortably, but has an occupancy of only 7 The floor reflects like a flat round mirror, composed of the same infinitely thin, smooth, and immovable material as the walls, plasticineum 293 Light bounces around it, making it sparkle like a ruby

Seven dark doorways line an inside length of the curved wall In each shadowed recess stands the shriveled remains of what appears to have been a person at one time The crimson gently caresses these warped cadavers, covered in dents, as if vacuum packed The cosmic color carves every wrinkle in their gnarled skins

The first mummy stands tall and calm in is cubby hole, with no distinguishing features except for a serious face, a bald head, and the general appearance of something that shriveled up and died a megaday ago

The second specimen towers over the first at 1.29 flivv (29% taller than average) and has more meat on er bones, for a corpse Er nerf ball of white hair shines bright

The third taxiderm crouches down in an eternal struggle with constipation Is stasis tube conforms to is short, skinny shape, rusty, somewhat normal looking, for a sarcophagus

The fourth mannequin has blue hair, which sprouts up and to the side Er petrified frame is petite, and thin as a starved carcass E holds both er arms forward, like frankenstein

Monday, 7 November 2016

Dead Down East by Carl Schmidt

Carl Schmidt graduated from Denver University with a degree in mathematics and physics. As a Woodrow Wilson Fellow he studied mathematics at Brown University.

Carl lived and traveled widely throughout Asia for seven years, including two years as a Peace Corps volunteer in the Philippines and five years in Japan, where he taught English.

Carl has spent dozens of summers in Maine, on lakes and in the woods. He chose it as the setting for this novel because he loves its rugged natural beauty and the charming idiosyncrasies of Mainers. He has also written and recorded three musical albums. This, along with his formal education, proved invaluable when molding the persona and voice of Jesse Thorpe, the narrator of Dead Down East, and endowing him with both a creative eye for detail and a sense of humor.

Dead Down East is the first novel in the Jesse Thorpe Mystery Series, which includes A Priestly Affair and Redbone. In 2001, New Falcon Press published his non-fictional book, A Recipe for Bliss: Kriya Yoga for a New Millennium.

Currently, he is a freelance writer living in Sedona, Arizona with his lovely wife, Holly, and their faithful German shorthaired pointer, Alize.

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About the Book


Dead Down East, a fictional murder mystery, is both detective noir and smart screwball comedy rolled into one. Jesse Thorpe, a young private investigator operating out of Augusta, Maine, receives a mysterious phone call from a former client, Cynthia Dumais. She begs to be rescued from an island south of Brunswick, within a mile of where William Lavoilette, the governor or Maine, was assassinated the night before. She insists that her life is in danger, but is unwilling to provide any further information. Reluctantly, Jesse goes to fetch her.

Within a week, Jesse has three separate clients, each with his, or her, own desperate need to have the murder solved. He assembles a motley team of compadres, including rock band members, a tie-dye psychic and his rousing girlfriend, Angele Boucher, to help him with the case. While the FBI and the Maine State Police investigate political motives, Jesse looks for the woman—Cherchez la Femme—as the trail draws him through the lives, and DNA, of the governor’s former mistresses.

Fresh, witty and loaded with eccentric characters, this first novel in the Jesse Thorpe Mystery Series is both clever and stylish. It’s an old-school private eye tale with inventive twists and local charm. If you enjoy a well-crafted and zesty narrative, lively banter, or take pleasure in the company of Mainers, you’ll love Dead Down East.

Get it today on Amazon!


Keep reading for an excerpt:


I called information and got his phone number. It was still early, but I decided to call anyway.

“Mawnin’.”

“Hello, is this Frank Hayden?” I asked.

“Ah-yuh.”

“Mr. Hayden, my name is Jesse Thorpe. I am sorry to call you this early in the morning, but I am investigating a minor automobile accident. A vehicle with the license plate, ‘GOFURS,’ was seen leaving the accident. That plate belongs to you. Is that plate on your 2008 Ford F-150?”

“Ah-yuh, that it tis, but there’s been no accident.”

“I see,” I said. “It’s possible someone misread the plate. Is your plate still on your truck?”

“Hahd tellin’, without lookin’.”

“Would you be kind enough to check?”

“Shuwah,” he said.

I heard his footsteps, so he must have carried his phone with him. About a half minute later he bemoaned, “By thundah, mah plate’s missin’. That’s damn wicked, it is. It didn’t fall off. Some pissant mustah stole it.”

“Can you possibly recall the last time you actually saw your license plate?” I asked.

“Ah-yuh. Washed mah truck Wednesday mawnin’ last, after haulin’ a load of chicken dressing to the gahden. I remembah washin’ off the plate. Coated with mud, it was. That’s the last I saw it.”

“We figured the plate had been stolen, because it was on a totally different vehicle. I’m sorry to disturb you about this. I guess you’ll have to contact the Maine DMV and report that your plate is missing.”

“I guess prob’ly.”

“Tell me something, Frank,” I said. “I was wondering what ‘GOFURS’ stands for?”

“Gotta nephew plays football up to the University of Minnesota.”

“Oh, yes. They are the Golden Gophers, aren’t they?” I said.

“Ah-yuh.”

“I suppose the license plate ‘G-O-P-H-E-R-S’ was already taken at the DMV.”

“Don’t know. Didn’t check that one.” Frank paused a moment and then said, “Nevah been good at spellin’.”

That took me a little by surprise. I wondered how long Frank had been down on the farm. I hemmed and hawed long enough to create an uncomfortable pause in our conversation. Then Frank added, “Gotchah!”

“That you did, Frank. That you did.”

“Nice talkin’ to yah, Mistah Thawpe.”

“The pleasure was all mine, Frank.”

City slickers are fair game for Mainers like Frank Hayden.

Sunday, 11 September 2016

Take the Body and Run by Jada Ryker

KINDLE SCOUT WINNER Jada Ryker snagged the Kindle Press publishing contract for her new book, Take the Body and Run, through Amazon’s Kindle Scout program. The contemporary mystery/romance is about a hunted woman hiding under a dead friend’s identity, a handsome lawman, a death doctor with fart machine-will travel, and a cranky cat with a nose for crime. It’s expected to be released in August 2016.

Jada lives in central Kentucky with her wonderful husband and their cat, rescued from the animal shelter. The cat rules the household and also loves to collect shiny trinkets. Once, she stole a Bluetooth and hid it under the couch. It took her humans several days to locate her ill-gotten booty.

In her day job, Jada works in higher education. She holds a masters degree in public administration.

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About the Book


Macey’s first day in the college employee relations department ends with a knife at her throat.

Macey is certain things can’t get any worse. She’s wrong. An angry employee vows to put her on an online hit list. When he turns up dead, she’s a suspect—and on the hit list.

To keep her secrets and her life, Macey partners with two unexpected allies who cause her pulse to race with steamy attraction—and exasperating annoyance. Vince, a handsome, driven lawman, digs up more than just clues to the brutal murder. Brett, a fun-loving pathologist with a deadly sense of humor, drives everyone crazy with his fart machine-will travel. Macey’s supersized black cat Wikket, possessing courage, curiosity, and crankiness in equal portions, assists in his own grumpy, feline fashion, golden eyes open and claws extended.

Get it today on Amazon!


Keep reading for an interview with the author:


Why did you decide to be a writer?


I spent the first twenty-odd years of my life in rural Kentucky, many of those years without electricity or running water. I decided to draw upon my early years of deprivation. I took those dark times and turned them into creatures of the light. My books combine humor and murder in a total package of entertaining and fun southern adventures. At the same time, I sketch in addiction/recovery issues and childhood angst with a deft and compassionate touch.

Do you have a "day job"? If so, what do you do?


I work in higher education. There are a ton of "hot button" issues in colleges and universities right now. It breaks my heart when I see instances of racism on college campuses. The administration has a duty to address and eradicate racism.


What genres do you write?


I write mysteries. I've spiced them with paranormal, romance, humor, chick lit, and even horror.


Does your family support you in your writing, or are you on your own?


My husband, mother, and aunt read everything I write. (Thanks, guys!) My children are busy with their lives and families. My mom says: “Make the girls read your books.” Ah, I haven’t figured out how to do that.


What is the best writing advice you've ever received?


Never give up. If I had given up, I wouldn't have won the June 2016 Kindle Press contract through the Kindle Scout program with Take the Body and Run.

What is the worst writing advice you've ever received?


Give up.

Are you a pantser or outliner?


For each book, I develop a broad roadmap for the chapters. I find that the characters like to take their own unusual turns…and I let them. The initial concept and the finished product are wildly different.

How long does it take you to write a book?


When I pushed myself to see how quickly I could write a book, it took me about five weeks for a 60,000 word novel. But I used a week of vacation, and I didn't have a life outside writing. I'd rather take my time, enjoy the process, and have fun. In that case, it takes me about twelve weeks from start to finish.


Do you write about real life experiences, or does everything come from your imagination?


I’ve written mysteries without a supernatural element. Then, a mystery that included a paranormal element started cavorting around in my head. Celeste Carr and Ericka Maah run the Carr – Maah Consulting Agency, a human resources consulting agency. The Karma mystery series was born.

The characters are complete opposites. Celeste is practical. She rejects anything of a supernatural nature. Ericka is mysterious, with odd, unexplained things happening when she’s around. The two business partners clash, but each would give her life for the other.

The real life experience comes into play with the homelessness element. I work in a fair-sized city. I saw homeless people roaming the streets. I did some research on the homeless population. It inspired me to include a homeless man in the Karma series. Hobart plays a major role.

Do you have any advice for other authors?


If you work a day job while you're writing and promoting, it takes off the pressure. I read a Facebook post by a new author who wrote: “I'm depending on my writing to finance my retirement.” I've read many excellent books by independent authors who are not (yet) famous and struggling to break even. Don't bet the farm on fame and fortune through your writing.

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Cow in the Doorway by Gino Bardi

Gino B. Bardi was born in New York City in 1950, and lived on the South Shore of Long Island until he attended Cornell University in 1968, during the tumultuous era of Vietnam War protests. Armed with a degree in English/Creative Writing, he diligently sought work in his field and soon wound up doing everything but. For the next forty-four years he cranked out advertising copy, magazine articles, loan pitches and short stories while running a commercial printing company in Upstate New York. Along the way, he married his college girlfriend, became father to three lovely daughters and decided that winter was an unnecessary evil. In 2008 he sold the printing business, retired, and now writes humorous fiction in his home on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Two signs hang above his desk: "Bad decisions make good stories," and Mel Brooks' advice that "You only need to exaggerate a LITTLE BIT." 

The Cow in the Doorway is his first full-length novel and won the statewide Royal Palm Literary Award for best unpublished New Adult novel for 2015.

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About the Book


Cornell University, Ithaca New York, 1968: The barking megaphones of the antiwar protests never seem to shut up. The cafeteria food is awful and the coffee even worse. Tony Vitelli doesn't feel properly dressed without a STRIKE! T-shirt and an Iron Butterfly album under his arm. He can't see the top of his desk for all the books and papers. And his new roommate won't acknowledge his existence. Tony's first year at college is a complicated and bumpy ride. And very, very funny.

Get it today on Amazon!


Keep reading for an excerpt:


This education thing was not working out. The lousy weather, loneliness, crappy food and cranky roommate were ganging up on me. My Blonde on Blonde songbook rested beneath the big twelve-string. What should I play? What was the perfect song? The picture of Bob Dylan on the cover looked just like I felt. I turned the pages to Visions of Johanna, a song with about a hundred verses. Okay, it has five verses—but five long ones, about pain and loneliness and awkward silences—it matched my mood perfectly. There are only three chords, which you can learn to play the same day you get a guitar. I didn’t know anyone who could remember all the words. That’s why I had a songbook.

The twelve-string was a little out of tune, which was normal. It was impossible to tune perfectly. I got it close, then began to play, carefully fingerpicking each note, working myself up to a genuine plaintive Dylan wail. “Ain’t it just like the night?” I asked the ghosts in the empty room, “To play tricks when you’re trying to be so quiet?” My voice bounced back from the stone walls.

The oak door opened with an ancient creek followed by a blast of cold air sweeping in behind a girl I hadn’t seen before. She carried a guitar case. I stopped playing but she nodded and smiled as if she wanted me to keep going. She slipped off her fur coat, sat on the steps and took out her guitar, a well-worn Gibson, a vintage six string with an orange macramé guitar strap. She didn’t look anything like the hippie folksinger types who filled the Echo Chamber on a weekend. Small and compact, she had long, straight brown hair, the color of roasted chestnuts, perfectly brushed, flowing to the middle of her back. Dark eyes. Big silver hoop earrings, tailored store-bought bell bottoms, not homemade from an old pair of dungarees. A beige turtle neck sweater just the right amount too big.

She put her ear against her guitar and tuned it to mine, so quickly and quietly I didn’t believe it would be in tune, but it was. Then, she watched my hand form a chord and she began to play, her long fingernails striking the strings more clearly than any finger picks, hitting each note precisely. She played with me note for note, then strayed off the melody and played new ones, like little songs, melodies that worked like they were written for it. As if she had discovered the only copy of an unpublished Bob Dylan songbook. Then she began to sing. And I stopped. My hand felt paralyzed. I couldn’t force a sound from my throat.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“You sing like an angel. I can’t sing with you. I’ll ruin it.”

“That’s silly. You sound fine. Keep playing. Please.” So I did.

She started to sing again, in a soaring voice that filled the room, a voice that didn’t need the echo. She never looked at the songbook. She knew all the words, the lyrics to all the verses, complicated obtuse poetry, that seemed to make perfect sense in her voice. Then a shudder went through me…for the first time, the lyrics made sense to me also, though I don’t think I could explain why. Somewhere deep in the song, I sang too, and we harmonized. I felt like I was auditioning for the Queen. Somehow it all worked.

I realized something, something big. I knew right away that everything had just changed: God had put me on this earth just to sing and play with this girl whose name I didn’t know—not yet. We rolled into the last verse. On the last line, she bent the note and her voiced sailed up the scale to land a full octave above mine...a full octave! The song ended and an icy chill ran down my back as if someone had dumped a bucket of Ithaca slush on me.

The echo took forever to fade. She sat, hugging the guitar across her knees and smiling, waiting for me to say something. I realized I was suddenly, desperately in love with her. I had never felt this way before. Not with anyone, not ever.

“What’s your name?” I finally managed.

“Melissa.” 

For the first time since leaving home I knew exactly what I wanted.

Friday, 15 April 2016

Twenty Twelve by Tracy Shew

Tracy Shew has had a varied life: Art Historian, professional pyrotechnician, professional philatelist, fledgling painter and sculptor, and once he managed the storage facility where Timothy McViegh had rented a unit, necessitating a week-long vacation as investigators did their duty in mid-1995. 

Currently, he leads a quiet, unassuming life as an IT professional in the Pacific Northwest region of the United States. After a lifetime of experience, and writing for 15 years, he feels ready to share some of his milder perceptions with others, wrapped in digestible (?), bite-size tidbits of prose. His goal is to show that the "ordinary" world around us is actually highly extraordinary, and that our perceptions of it are malleable and unique. 

"If I've made you look at one thing around you in a new way, I'm satisfied."


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About the Book


A collection of 17 completely original, strange short stories which range from fantasy to science fiction to humor to horror. The one tying factor is they were all written in 2012. Also included is the novella, Inclemency.

Get it today on Amazon!


Keep reading for an interview with the author:


Why did you decide to be a writer?


I never decided to be a writer. I have always been a writer. I think everyone is a writer, or they should be.

Now, I did decide to try sharing my work with others at one point. In 2012, I was in a readers group. We decided to share any manuscripts or stories we had. I ended up being the only one contributing. The others were too shy. One of the other readers was Joyce Holt, a published author, who spent some time after reading my work convincing me to seek publication. Since then, I've been on a mission to learn about marketing and the industry, to spread my "message" to as many willing readers as possible.

When I was just a writer, I was OK just handing manuscripts to friends. Now, I have become a "marketer," who is someone who publishes or self-publishes.


What genres do you write?


I write very strange cross-genre literary stuff that I call urban fantasy, for want of a better word. Some of my short stories read like essays, and some are like classic science fiction. I use humor and elements of horror. My novels - currently unpublished - shift genres, from fantasy to science fiction to horror.

What inspires you to write?


75% of my ideas come from dreams. I jot them down and develop them into short stories. My novels also use dream imagery. My characters are drawn from everyday experiences and people I meet, often twisted and combined.

What is most important to me is the message of a work, what that work teaches you about the world or yourself. I don't write escapist literature. Rather, I write philosophical diatribes and social discussions wrapped in an entertaining story. The story becomes the spoonful of sugar to help you with the lesson.

I have a personal disdain for works without some content, and especially for fantasy which coordinates some huge structure for no other purpose than to titillate readers.


What authors/books have most influenced you?


I cite Rod Serling as my most endearing influence. He understood content over all. I also emulate a little-known genre-bending author, R.A. Lafferty. I wish I had the skill to write as well as he did. But any author who seeks the strange and unusual in the ordinary attracts me. Greg Bear once handed me a list of authors who enjoy the same strange stuff I love, and Haruki Murakami was at the top of the list.

Most of my current work is influenced in a secondary fashion by the work on perception by Roger Penrose. Mine is not scientific work, but I formulate a vague basis of "strange goings on" from perceptive relativism and plurality of perspective. Trust me, the details would bore you, so I omit them from my work and only deal with the consequences: Once you take the cap off the tube of perception, literally anything becomes possible.

If you could choose an author to be your mentor, who would it be?


I have approached Terry Bisson for advice, and he read one of my stories. Unfortunately, he told me considers himself as a one-way ticket to obscurity, so perhaps I should consider another choice.

What is the biggest obstacle you face as an author and what do you do to overcome it?


Reaching my readers and standing out from a crowd of 5 million+ Indie authors is proving daunting. It is a curious milieu where you need to establish yourself as "different" - never a problem for me - but be close enough to established works that you are marketable.

I've really only started marketing myself now. Twitter has been a real help, getting me in touch with other authors and a lot of support people. But my immediate goal is to land a literary agent. My approach here is slow & tenacious. I do not feel like landing "any" agent, but I would like a "people" agency: Someone who presents themselves as a real help to authors, who recognizes new authors as a valuable resource. Basically, these are agents who will respond to questions and comments from authors on Twitter and other media. I realize this responsiveness means less time for them to work with me once I'm signed, but I am willing to accept that trade-off. Honesty and connecting with people trumps market chops in my opinion. The industry should be about connecting people and fostering relationships.

If I do land representation it should help jump-start my market. I feel my books are unusual enough that I should find a niche market. I envision myself becoming a cult classic author.


What is the worst writing advice you've ever received?


One of my Beta readers for Twenty Twelve advised me to not market my book, ever: "You are like a Stradivarius! You are like Jimmy Hendrix. If no one ever hears the music you play, then it becomes even more true!" He advised writing my books and then (I suppose) just keeping them in a drawer, like the notebooks of Hieronymus Bosch. This was in spite of the fact he left a review (for Twenty Twelve) stating that all seven billion people on the planet MUST read the book.

We are still good friends.

What do you enjoy doing aside from writing?


I am an officer in the China Stamp Society, and I am president of the Pacific Northwest chapter of the society. So, I'm heavily into stamp collecting.

If you were stranded on a deserted island, and you could only have five books with you, what would they be?


Excuse me for being self-serving, but I would want "Hero of Dreams" by Tracy Shew, "The Book of Prime One" by Tracy Shew, "The Mask and the Mirror" by Tracy Shew, "Alizarin Crimson" by Tracy Shew, and "The Fallen Angel of Perception," by Tracy Shew, all of them works in progress. I would of course demand a suitable electronic device and a charger supplied by the Professor from Gilligan's Island, which runs on coconuts and bicycle power. I would write and revise for months until rescued. My books would become popular because of coverage of my rescue on CNN. "Hero of Dreams" would be runner-up (but not win) a Hugo award.

How many books do you have on your "to read" list? What are some of them?


I especially enjoy reading Indie books that I get exposed to on Twitter, from author promos. Right now I am ready to tackle a fantasy series by Serban V.C. Enache. I just finished Pete Alex Harris's The Silk Mind, which I found quite excellent. In there somewhere are most of the writing advice books by Rayne Hall.

How do you come up with the titles for your books? Do you find it difficult?


I try to come up with a working title, which is some plot detail from the book. I usually have Beta readers suggest other titles. Also, I am now working with illustrator Lawrence Mann, who has suggested a title for me. His advice is to have a title which gives the context or flavor of the book, so it becomes an additional selling point: a two- or three-word blurb of why you should buy this book.

What are you working on now?


I have a hard science fiction novel underway, "Hero of Dreams, or the Making of Sammy Lemkin." I'm also writing a nonfiction work about philately, "The District Overprints on Mexico's Revenue Stamps." And I have 2 or 3 short stories going, and another science fiction novel, "Alizarin Crimson." I usually write 4 or 5 things at once.


If you want to see me at PNWA conference and have me autograph your copy of TWENTY TWELVE, register soon. Registration cost increases on April 30th. For every autographed book, I'll also give away a free "I KNOW CHESTER THE FROOG" button.

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Full Circle by Tim Baker

Tim Baker was born and raised in Warwick, Rhode Island.

He enjoys a wide variety of activities including sports of all kinds, music, motorcycles, scuba diving and, of course, writing.

An avid dog lover, Tim was a volunteer puppy raiser for Guiding Eyes for the Blind, raising and socializing potential guide dogs.

He has also studied and taught martial arts.

Tim writes fast-paced, off-beat crime stories full of colorful characters and loaded with unexpected and often humorous twists and turns, set in Flagler Beach and St. Augustine, Florida.

Currently, Tim is enjoying life in Palm Coast, Florida.

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About the Book


What goes around…Comes around.

It’s an indisputable law of the universe, but Joe Moretti Jr lives his life as if it doesn’t apply to him. 

When Joe’s mistress gives him some unwelcome news, he decides to take drastic action, which starts a chain reaction of events that will affect the lives of thirteen strangers in the quiet seaside town of Flagler Beach. 

It’s a bizarre ripple effect, but will it be enough to teach Joe that his money and influence can’t protect him from the power of Karma.

Get it today on Amazon and Kindle!


Keep reading for an excerpt:



There was no way she could possibly know what she was talking about. She was a store-front gypsy trying to scare him in the hope of drumming up some business. Next she’d be telling him to come in for a reading. Then the real con was on.

Joe wasn’t biting.

“Okay,” he said. “I got it. Be careful…don’t mess with the spirit world…the universe has power and all that happy horseshit.” He held the card out to her. “Here you go. Thanks for the tip.”

Anya Yaroshenko still made no move to take the card. Joe’s hand defied his brain’s instruction to drop it and walk away.

“You remember movie A Christmas Carol?” she asked.

“Scrooge, Tiny Tim, yeah, sure. What about it?”

“Remember when Scrooge’s dead partner, Jacob Marley, show up to warn him about spirits?”

“Yeah?”

“He was wearing long, heavy chain.”

“Yeah, very ghostly.”

“Chain was not there to make it ghostly. It was…” she searched for the word, “…symbol.”

“Symbol of what?”

She paused to formulate her answer. “Everything we do in life, every thought, every action, every reaction is like link in chain. Our fate is determined by the links we put on our chains.”

“So what I’m getting from this is, it’s my life. My chain.”

Anya shook her head No and grinned. “It is mistake to think that way.”

“And why is that? You just told me it was my chain.”

“Actually, you said it was your chain. I wasn’t finished.”

Joe exhaled slowly through his nose, re-crossed his arms and shifted his weight to the other leg. “Okay, so finish, but speed it up, I got things to do.”

“You are putting links on your chain every minute of every day, as am I. The woman getting into that car, she is doing it as well.”

“Is there a point hidden here somewhere?”

Producing a pad and a pen from her satchel, she began sketching.

“You see this?” She showed him a drawing of several small, interconnected circles running from one end of the page to the other.

“Yeah.”

“If your chain was just your chain it would look like this. A straight line.”

More sketching, taking longer than the first. “But look at this…”

Now the page was filled with chains randomly running from place to place, some connected, some not.

“This is what it really is.”

“Looks like a tangled mess.”

“Sort of. This chain is your life, this one is mine. They became connected the moment you picked up your card. This one coming in here is the woman who just walked by us. This one is the man whose car you were standing behind a minute ago.”

“And?”

“Notice how every time your chain connects with somebody else’s, it changes direction little bit.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s because that person’s link is now attached to your chain, affecting everything that happens to you afterward. Some more than others.”

“This is all very interesting.” Joe checked his watch. Hopefully Mark would be here any minute to rescue him. “But you still haven’t gotten to the point.”